Holidays have gone ballistic.
Back in the old days, I could enjoy the holidays that interested me and skip the ones that didn’t. I didn’t feel forced to look at them before. I didn’t have to spend money on them. I didn’t have to plan or prepare. I didn’t have to care.
Holidays used to be harmless, like ponds we could wade into when and if we wanted. Now they are constantly threatening from next’s month’s calendar page, like tidal waves waiting to wipe us out.
This month, it’s all the father talk. It’s the Pinterest pictures of cakes with striped neckties piped out in icing. It’s the children’s handprint crafts. It’s the stereotypes of baseballs and BBQ grills and beer. Very soon it will be the facebook photos of dads at their best, dads old and young, dads and their children. And the people who have lost their fathers, or have never had a father, or have been hurt by their fathers, or have always wanted to be a father will scroll quickly– oh so quickly– through those. Maybe they won’t log on at all that day.
Maybe they won’t get out of bed that day.
Whatever holiday we used to push aside now pushes in on us. There is nothing we can do about it. There is no way to turn back the tide.
But I learned something profound the last time I was at the beach. Waves only knock you over if you resist them. Move with them, even just a little, and you can stay on your feet. If you don’t have an earthly father to celebrate this year, flow with it anyway. Move with the wave. There are three things you can do:
1. Forgive your own father. That’s it. Forgive him what what he did. Forgive him for what he is doing. Forgive him for dying. All of it is too heavy to carry today. Put it down for good.
2. Honor the many fathers who are trying their best. There are fathers everywhere who need encouragement to keep doing what they are doing. You can write a card to someone who has been a mentor or leader or great help in your life. You can take a moment to say something to someone who does the hard job of fathering with dignity and grace. Well-chosen words live forever in a heart. You never know if the time you take to speak a blessing over a father will be remembered on a hard day many years from today. Also: If you deeply long to be a father yourself, don’t just do nothing while you wait for that day. Be a father in the meantime. Reach out and extend faithful fathering support to someone younger. Proverbs 11:25 tells us that ” … the person who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” If all the father talk has worn out your heart, then, refresh someone else– stat!– so that you can be refreshed.
3. Remember that you have the Father of all fathers. We all do. This is not silly sentimentality; it is real. Recently I saw a gift bag labeled “Dad of all Dads.” Sure, this is a meaningful compliment, and it makes the recipient feel special. It is cute Father’s Day wrapping, but we all know it can’t be true. There were a dozen of those bags on the rack. There can only be one Dad of all dads, and He isn’t any of us. God is the Dad of all dads because we all come from one family tree. We share the same last name: His. He is the ultimate Patriarch. He is “the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name” (Eph. 3:14-15). Oh, yes, you have a Father to celebrate this year. Make sure you take some time to honor Him.
Father’s Day may be hard, but you can already see it coming. No one has to wake up under a wave. Decide right now you will move with it. Decide right now you will “like” as many dad photos as you can on Father’s Day. There is no reason not to.
And one more thing: Thank you, dads. Thank you for all of the times your words and your touch, and your actions remind us of a father’s faithful character– of the Father’s faithful character. That may be an overwhelming responsibility at times. I can only imagine. But you don’t have to live under so much pressure. You are doing a great job. Just keep aiming for your best. You don’t have to be the best. You don’t have to be the #1 Dad or Dad of all Dads.
That job is already taken.
