When I looked over my busy schedule, I had to admit there was a vacuum. As a professional writer and speaker, I travel frequently and pour encouragement into a lot of people for their personal growth. Sometimes I plant seeds for growth, and sometimes I water for growth, but I don’t always get to see the blooming lives that come as a result of that growth. Many of the people I encounter on my trips I never see again. That is okay. But I want to be planting and watering in my own backyard, as well. My heart is drawn to young people, so it didn’t surprise me when the names of four high school girls came to mind.
I wanted to start a mentoring group that would meet monthly for one year. We would meet in my home for dinner and a discussion that focused on matters of faith, with a little bit of character-building in the mix.
Now that we are ten months in, I cannot count how many times other adults have approached me to say, “I would love to do what you are doing with your mentoring group, but I don’t think I have what it takes to be a mentor.”
My response is always, “Yes, you do.”
There are only five things that a person needs in order to mentor girls. Well, six: You should be a girl if you want to mentor girls. I think that one should be obvious. Here is everything else:
1. Be open
Mentoring girls is going to require that you open your mind in new ways, I assure you. But first, you will have to open your home. Meeting in restaurants creates a slightly impersonal distance that you can quickly close by inviting the girls into your home to sit among your things. They will want to see your pictures and your couch pillows and your plates. This is because they want to know you. Second, you will have to open your heart. Studying a workbook by Beth Moore or listening to videos by Priscilla Shirer will be helpful, but they will not draw the girls into a relationship with you. Share your stories. Teach lessons from your experiences, both triumphs and tragedies. You have a wealth of material in your heart, if you will only open it.
2. Be trustworthy
Mentoring girls is going to require you to be trustworthy. If you set the precedent by being open, it may not be long before the girls follow suit. When they share their concerns with you, they will be counting on the fact that they can trust you. Be judicious about the things you feel you have to share with their parents. If it is not an urgent concern for their safety, then keep confidentially. You have the power to hurt their hearts once they share their concerns with you, and hurt them, you will, if you pass along their thoughts without their permission, even to (read: especially to) their parents.
3. Be available
Mentoring girls is going to require you to be available, within reason. Their schedules might not work with yours, and you may have to move around the meeting to find a time that fits. You may get texts at odd hours. On your busiest day, you may suddenly get a phone call, asking to meet for coffee and guidance. None of this will be a hardship, but it may be an inconvenience. All of it will be worth it.
4. Be imperfect
Mentoring girls is going to require you to be imperfect. It is not difficult to be imperfect, all of us are. But it is difficult to let others see that we are imperfect. The truth is, the girls will not be interested in your attempt at perfection. That only comes across as something they will never be able to attain. In my mentoring group, there have been times that we ate dinner fresh from the fast food bag, times we had to move my ironing board aside in the living room, times when the lemon merengue pie never “set” and stayed runny, times I messed up a story, we laughed about it, and I started again. A good mentor will show them, not just imperfection, but beautiful-humble-I’m-still-growing imperfection, and in that they will see nothing but possibility for themselves. They will see a lifestyle to admire and aspire to.
5. Be willing to change
Mentoring girls is going to require that you be willing to change. You may have to learn new technology. You may have to try new recipes that fit better for them (the grilled asparagus didn’t go over at my house). You may have to change the way you lead. After the fourth meeting, I had to admit that the group was something I needed to be sharing with a mentor-partner. I asked a dear friend who met all of these five qualities, and she jumped at the chance to join me. Together, we have made the last three mentoring meetings much more effective than they ever would have been if I had stuck with it alone. I am so glad I was willing to change because it has made the group better for everyone involved.
Lastly, I have some big news for you! If any part of your heart just thought, “That sounds really great! Someday I might be interested in being a mentor,” or if you thought of a girl who could use a mentoring group like this, then guess what? The time may be right for you to take action and start your own journey of mentoring!
If you are thinking about starting to mentor a group of girls, or even if you are considering mentoring just one girl, please do not disqualify yourself before you begin. The list of qualifications in your mind are more than likely irrelevant. The most important attributes a mentor should have are openness, trustworthiness, availability, imperfection, and a willingness to change. Hey, these are not traits a person has at birth. They are skills that a person learns and chooses to use. If you have made the decision to offer these qualities as a girls’ mentor, then you are ready to begin today.