How to learn in one easy step:
1. Open up.
Three years ago, I was not ready to do it. This group began our studies with one week at the Juilliard School in Lincoln Center. We were immersed in the arts (movement, dramatic interpretation, graphic art and sculpture, sound effects), and it scared me speechless. In the old photos, I am frowning a bit. I was skeptical, inaccessible to true friendship with others and to deep learning. I could not figure out what it all had to do with teaching English, and I internally demanded to understand completely before I let myself enter into the unknown. I thought I had come to New York to read and write. That’s it. Never mind that this course was entitled The Teaching of Drama and Theater. The doors to my heart and mind were closed to anything other than traditional ways of engaging literature, because I was afraid. I can see that in myself now.
Two years ago, I relaxed some, but still was quite guarded and self-protective. Our studies were more and more traditional in approach, and I felt closer to my fellow students and professors. However, we still were dealing with topics that made me uncomfortable. Again, I felt justified in keeping distant in slight ways. I appreciated everyone, but I was not inviting them inside to know who I really am. Perhaps I was timid because I wasn’t sure that they would like what they found there. I still was closed.
Yesterday was our last official meeting as a class. I was near tears at the thought of it. As third year students, we spoke before second year and first year students, letting them know what to expect from this radical experience. We could see that the first years, after their initial week at Juilliard, were not amused. The expression on every face was one of closure.
My friend, Alexa, said to them, “Embrace the discomfort you are feeling right now. Sometimes, what makes you uncomfortable is the right thing to do.” Boy, that is true in a lot of ways. Who wouldn’t prefer to remain in his comfort zone? The road less traveled is a rocky path and not so kind to the hiker. Most people will never take it.
What she said reminded me of one of my old mottos. I give myself a new motto for every year. Yeah, I’m straight-up dorky like that. The old motto I am remembering is, “Do what you fear.” Each time I felt inhibited or afraid that particular year, I whispered the motto and made myself go for it with guns blazing. Man, that was a great season, I’ll tell you. It was about embracing discomfort, because sometimes what makes you a little uncomfortable is the right thing to do, especially when you are talking about the uncomfortable nature of trusting people to know the real you. Trusting is about being OPEN to new people and to new experiences. The act of trusting is the foundation of my motto for this year: Open up.
It is human nature to take a guarded stance. We are so fearful that people will not like what they find if we invite them to come and visit inside our hearts for a while. Well, some people won’t like what they find, true. So what? They’ll just leave. But here’s the thing: People can be on the outside of your heart because they left on their own, or they can be out there because you never opened the door in the first place. There is a critical difference to me.
I cannot calculate what I have learned through my studies here; so much about me has changed in the last three years, especially this summer. But hardly any of it is a result of the Columbia environment, the reading of textbooks, the nonstop writing, the exploring, the thinking, and the questioning. No, MOST of what I have learned came from gradually becoming more open with other people. This time, I unlocked my heart and swung wide the door. Then I enjoyed all the guests … these nine students and my professors. I patted the seat of each over-stuffed velvet chair and invited them to sit a while. And finally, as I focused on making THEM comfortable, I found that I was.
The gorgeous collection of our conversations over the last three years is how I grew, by opening my mouth and sharing of myself, by letting people learn me, by desiring to learn them, by laughing, by listening to these dear friends talk about their lives and work. Yes, mostly by LISTENING. By opening my ears to what they had to say. And just because I will finish my studies in two weeks and head home does not mean that being open to others is a practice that I will stop.
I have been playing Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature” on repeat as I wrote this. I like so many ideas in it: “Looking out … Hear her voice … Get me out … Reaching out … See that girl … Looking out … Reaching out …” It is all about being open and climbing outside of yourself in order to reach others, which is what you have to do in addition to letting people inside of you.
Oh, the best line of all: “If this town is just an apple, then let me take a bite.”
Another favorite, Psalm 81:10 reads, “Open wide your mouth, and I will fill it.”
Living and learning are never passive. There’s something we must do if we want to chew into life and digest it:
Open up.