One of my friends recently said, “Expectations are premeditated disappointments,” and it resonated loudly with me.
I searched on the Internet to find out who originally said this maxim, and in addition to that phrase, I found a number of similar sentiments:
- Expectations are premeditated resentments. –Jewish proverb
- Expectation is the root of all heartache.– Shakespeare
- The best way to avoid disappointment is not to expect anything from anyone.– Anonymous
- When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.– Stephen Hawking
- When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.– Anonymous
- Expect nothing and appreciate everything.– Anonymous
- Zero Expectations=Zero Disappointments.– Anonymous
I have to say that all of this expectation-talk went downhill quickly. This is impossible. A person who can live without expectations is a person without a heartbeat. We naturally have expectations, and we have a right to have expectations!
A wife has a right to expect her husband to remain faithful, and vice versa. She wouldn’t say, “Well, I’m not disappointed he had an affair. I never expected him to be true to me, anyway.”
A college student has a right to expect his professor to study and come ready for class. He wouldn’t say, “Well, I’m not disappointed I still owe thousands of dollars in student loans for nothing. I never expected to learn anything, anyway.”
A driver has a right to expect that everyone behind the wheel has a driver’s license. You wouldn’t look at your mangled fender and say you weren’t disappointed because you never expected any other driver to know what they were doing.
A restaurant patron has a right to expect that her food is prepared and delivered in a sanitary way. You wouldn’t say you weren’t disappointed that you got food poisoning because you never expected anything else.
Parents have a right to expect that their babysitter will care for their children and keep them safe. They would never leave the house thinking, “If we come home and find that something has gone terribly wrong, at least we won’t be disappointed because we had no expectations in the first place.”
Yeah, none of this would happen. It is impossible to live without expectations. But the original phrase that I heard from my friend still holds significance for me. Expectations truly can be premeditated disappointments in some situations. The key is not to let our expectations function as filters through which we determine success. We tend to do this a lot with God when we pray. Or, at least, I do.
Many times I have prayed with a desired scenario in mind. And then when things didn’t turn out that way, it seemed as if God had not answered my prayers, when in fact, He had. He had only answered them differently. Learning to pray without expectation filters is another key aspect of becoming a hope hunter.
It is possible to become distracted by origin questions like, Why did this start? and by outcome questions like, How will it end? Maybe it doesn’t matter what causes suffering in our lives nearly as much as it matters what suffering causes in our lives. If adversity brings about bitterness, fury, and disbelief in the Lord, then it will be a loss. But if it brings about humility, patience, and dependence upon the Lord, then it will be for His glory. It can be dangerous to set our sights on a certain outcome. The more we anticipate the way our stories will end, the more we set ourselves up for potential disappointment. God may direct us toward a conclusion we have not imagined.
Romans 8:28 tells us that “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” We can trust God to guide us toward the best ending, even if it looks different from the one we had in mind.
Hope hunters know God can sweep away the ashes, or He can fashion our ashes into beauty. They know He can strip our coats of heaviness, or He can transform them into garments of praise. The hope hunter’s response to obstacles is always to surrender to God’s work through our trials. God is for us, not against us. Perhaps our best question is not How could You let this happen to me, Lord? but How are You using this for me, Lord? We must trust that God’s outcome is the perfect one for us.
(Next week– How to Become a Hope Hunter #3: Surround Yourself with the Word)
