What do you do when you don’t have support?
A few days ago, someone wrote to me on Instagram and asked me this question:
“What if you don’t feel you have support in becoming an author?”
It seemed like a sensitive question that could go multiple directions so I replied and asked if the lack of support was from family or friends or both.
The person answered in a general way … saying they wanted my advice on lack of support from family and friends. Just an overall lack of support.
I figured she probably wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
If you have felt like you are called to pursue a career as a Christian author but you have an overall lack of support from family and friends, then this blog post is for you.
What is True
I am going to approach this question from two different angles.
I’ll approach it from what is true and from what is truth.
Let me explain the difference.
What is true is true, but only temporarily.
For instance, if someone were to ask me if I am 49 years old, I would say, “Yes, that is true.” But if they asked me the same question one year from now, I would have to tell them that it is no longer true.
When I was a kid, it was true that I had a pet cat. Now it is not true.
At one time it was true that I could use any kind of shampoo. Now it is not true. I am allergic to all of it and can only wash my hair with baking soda.
My hair is currently dark brown. That is true. But in high school, it was true that my hair was a honey color. And in about a decade, it may be true that it is white.
In the eighties, it was true that I lived in Texas. In the nineties, it was true that I lived in Tennessee. Now it is true that I live in Texas again. For a short time there, it was true that I lived in Thailand.
What is Truth
You get it, what is true changes.
But what is truth never changes. And truth can only be found in the Bible. That never changes. It isn’t temporary.
Now, it is important to distinguish between what is true and what is truth when asking a question about personal support.
It might be true that you do not have support at this moment, but has it always been true? And will it always be true?
Let’s first admit that it can feel oppressive when you say something like, “I do not feel I have support in becoming an author,” because it doesn’t even allow for the natural ebb and flow of support.
Or the ebb and flow of your feelings.
You might have support and not feel it. And if you really don’t have support, I doubt that the lack of support extends in both directions on your timeline indefinitely.
Like a good coach, I am going to offer a little push back here and ask you to admit that you are not in an eternal state of no support.
So a state of full support or no support falls into the true category. It is temporary. We can handle temporary.
You are committed enough to experience a temporary lack of support and keep going anyway. Right? Okay, then that feels a little better immediately.
Next, I would encourage you to define the word support.
Defining “Support”
It means different things to different people. What does support look like to you? What does it feel like? How do you know when you have support? How do you know when you do not have support?
Is support an encouraging phone call every single day or coming to your speaking engagements and sitting on the front row?
Does support look like asking you about how your writing project is going?
On that last one, I would suggest that I have had many clients (Many!) who wanted that kind of accountability at first, but then grew to the point of serious irritation with the friends who kept asking how it was going, and started to avoid them altogether!
So be sure of what you mean when you say you want support.
It is possible that what you mean by lack of support is that you have a significant person telling you NOT to attempt to become an author.
If that person is your spouse, I like what Jon Acuff said about this once. I can’t find the quote so I’ll paraphrase.
He said that spouses sometimes have a hard time offering continued support to a big dreamer because they do not see the proof of concept.
They aren’t seeing money come in or more opportunities for growth. They aren’t seeing progress on the book.
So give them a little bit of reassurance in the form of evidence! Or at least give them a break when they don’t provide you with a steady stream of support!
The point is, you are really asking a lot of a spouse when you are asking them to give you continued support in the face of zero forward motion.
So move forward. Don’t make them push you. In fact, don’t make anyone responsible for what God asked you to do.
Do It Anyway
God gave you the vision, and when He did, He gave you the faith to fuel the vision.
He did not give your spouse or parent or in-laws or friends the vision. And He did not give them the faith to fuel the vision, either.
If they are just taking your word for this vision that they cannot fully see themselves, then that right there should be applauded. What great people!
And they will go as far as they can with you, using the faith they’ve got, but if they run out of fuel before the finish line, it’s okay.
They might make a face or use a tone when you say, “Forward ho!” That’s fine.
Joseph didn’t have his brothers’ support.
David didn’t have his father’s support.
Deborah didn’t have Barak’s support.
Gideon didn’t have his whole family’s support.
Mary didn’t have the city of Nazareth’s support.
Paul didn’t have the government of Rome’s support.
Jesus didn’t have anybody’s support.
By the end, everyone fell away.
None of these people had support from the people they should have. They just did it anyway.
Here’s the Truth
When I first started this career/ministry almost 20 years ago, my friends and family were very gungho. They couldn’t have been more supportive.
They helped me run the book table after speaking engagements, helped me plan and deliver live events, and celebrated me when I won and comforted me when I lost.
But the longer I did it, the lonelier it became.
I cannot expect the same level of enthusiasm always nor expect all of the support to be directed toward me. Other people are pursuing their callings, too.
And there were times when that meant they couldn’t be there for me because they were doing their thing.
Yeah, I’ve had to do a lot of things … without any support at all.
That is true. But it is not truth.
This is the truth, found in Joshua 1:4-9:
“I will give you every place that you set your foot … As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
God’s promise to the Israelites still stands for us. It’s truth. It doesn’t change. And did you notice that, although God did not use the exact word “support,” He DID give His definition of support?
His definition of support is 3 things: His promise, His Word, and His Presence. That’s all He gave Joshua, and it was enough.
Look back at your definition of support. Your definition might look different than God’s definition, and the difference between the two is your growth zone.
Trust me, you have enough support.
There have been long seasons when all I had was His promise, His Word, and His presence, and nothing and no one else.
And it was enough for me, even when I wasn’t sure it would be. It will be enough for you, too.
Which leads me to my final observation as a coach.
Where Lack of Support Really Comes From
This one may sting, but Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” So lean in.
A lot of the time when we point the finger at others, saying we need support from them, it is because we are not supporting ourselves.
That’s where the feeling of lack really comes from.
If you were giving yourself enough support, you would still want and need others, but the lack wouldn’t be so loud.
Concentrate on giving yourself support in every way you can. Really value self-support and focus on giving yourself support. Hold yourself responsible for the lion’s share of support you should be feeling.
Because the more you believe that other people should be giving you the support you need, the more you spend time sitting in the victim’s seat.
And the longer you sit there, the longer you are going to stay stalled and stuck. Because a victim’s seat is passive. It’s only for a passenger, not for someone who really wants to go somewhere.
Because the victim’s seat doesn’t have a gas pedal or a steering wheel.
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